


"I Won't Walk Away"

by Author_kunsmadness



Category: Haikyuu!!, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Attack on titan au where Osamu had to make a choice between Miya Atsumu and Kageyama Tobio, Fluff, Hurt but no comfort, Kind Kita-san, M/M, Osamu after losing someone important to him, Osamu in Levi's situation, Past and Present, Sad Osamu, Unrequited Love, Wishful Thinking, accepting reality and death, dilemma, familiarity and oddity, helplessness and melancholia, no beta we die like men, sadness and sorrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:22:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27446338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Author_kunsmadness/pseuds/Author_kunsmadness
Summary: In that cold room filled with memories, Miya Osamu searches for an answer.Looking at the empty chair, Osamu said, "It's all because I just realize that... I am..."
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou & Sakusa Kiyoomi & Kita Shinsuke, Kageyama Tobio/Miya Osamu, Kita Shinsuke & Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu
Kudos: 27





	"I Won't Walk Away"

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, this fic is about Osamu in Levi Ackerman's shoes. With a single injection to save only one person, who did he choose? How did he handle his own emotions after losing someone important to him?  
> Do you want to know answers to those questions?  
> Please proceed but first forgive me for any spelling mistakes and grammatical errors hehe

"Goodbye", he said.  
But there he is, standing in front of a door in a busy hallway. His face shows no emotion and his eyes look lifeless when he asks,  
"Why am I here in front of your door again?"  
His voice is cold but there is a tinge of sadness surrounding it. On the knob of the door, there rest a hand which has lost all the gentleness because of a harsh life he is given to lead. Bruises, cuts and scars are nothing new to him but he stares at his own hand for it dare not rotate the knob.  
.  
.  
.  
A few months ago,  
At that moment, he recalled what Kageyama said after losing Hinata Shouyou, "What is the point of living? Freedom without him is nothing to me. I'll be honest, Osamu... I don't want to live in this cruel world anymore. I have already lost my purpose to keep going".  
.  
.  
.  
In front of him laid bodies of two soldiers named Miya Atsumu and Kageyama Tobio. Both of them were barely breathing and could leave the world at any moment. The person looking at them helplessly was Osamu Miya with a single injection in his hand. Behind him, Bokuto was supporting Sakusa who was badly injured and could no longer stand on his own. Sadness on their faces, they looked at Osamu who was in dilemma.  
Osamu's hands were shaking and he was scared of the situation he was in. He kept repeating the word 'Think' in his mind. He didn't have time to be wavering... and he tried to concentrate. ‘Which one would be a better choice?’. Kageyama might seem like a more promising soldier when it came to thinking and battle strategies but the same could be said to Atsumu. There was no much gap between their skills and capabilities. If he had to consider combat skills, Atsumu was better than Kageyama. So, neither of them was better than the other. One could say that both of them were equally good. They were just different people with different specialities. And that made everything more difficult for Osamu who was struggling when one was his own brother and the other was his close friend who was always nice to him. Even Bokuto and Sakusa didn't know what to do anymore. For Kita Shinsuke, he just looked at the scene silently. They all knew that losing either of them was going to be a huge loss but they had to give up on one of them.  
If he could give his life to one of them, Osamu would not hesitate even for a second. The thing was he couldn't and he was given a cruel duty to decide which one was to live. His brother or his friend? At that point, Kita who was standing stiffly could no longer bare to see the scene. He walked towards Osamu and squeezed his shoulder, "Let me do it", he said softly. Kita was kind enough to offer his help when Osamu needed it the most. Kita was ready and Osamu only needed to give the injection to him. But Osamu was not heartless. He was not heartless enough to let someone bear the guilt of deciding someone's destiny. So, it was no one else but him who made the choice that day.  
.  
.  
.  
Osamu is a strong soldier but he is struggling just to open that mere door in front of him. He couldn't help it because that mere door belongs to a room that is important to him. Thinking about his situation, he smiles not because of amusement but because he does feel helpless. He truly couldn't bring himself to open it. Holding onto the door's knob make his mind wander back to melancholic memories... and one particular memory still dances in his vision vividly.  
.  
.  
.  
It was around the time when Kageyama had just became a section commander of the Scout Regiment. It was at night and just like today, he stood in front of the very same door that he is currently facing. However, it was nothing more than just a door at that time. There was no familiarity to it and it was not a door he was used to knocking.  
Osamu was about to knock the door of Kageyama's new office room but for a moment, he hesitated and halted his hand which was already in the air.  
Knowing his friend, he decided to open the door quietly instead of knocking. When he entered the office, he was careful enough that his footsteps didn't produce any noise. After closing the door silently, he approached Kageyama's working desk. On his way, he stopped within the shadow of bookshelves and observed the interior of the room.  
Silver light of the moon was penetrating through the glass of window and spreading on his friend's back. The moonlight made the tips of his black hair shine in pale blue colour. And Kageyama at the desk who seem to be sleeping had his hand supporting his head under his chin. His eyes were closed but his long eyelashes were casting big shadows on the face.  
Watching at the scene presented to him, Osamu genuinely felt the peacefulness and serenity of the night. Everything was in a calm state that he wanted the moment to last forever since soldiers like them rarely got such peace and quiet. Silently, he decided to enjoy the beauty of the quiet night and he felt in his heart that the joy and satisfaction of the moment was pure.  
After observing for a while, he took Kageyama's coat that was hung on a hook near him and stepped forward into moonlit part of the room. Then, he blanketed his tired friend with the coat tenderly.  
"It's not like you don't have a bedroom...", he said quietly and faced towards the window to view the moon that looked too bright for a peaceful night like that. He eyed the sleeping person beside him once more just before he was about to leave. He took a step towards the door but it was stopped when he felt Kageyama's sudden grasp on his hand.  
It was so sudden and unexpected that he was shocked by that action. "I got you...Shouyou, Kageyama said with a sleepy voice and it was not clear. But Osamu still heard it and it made him somewhat disappointed. So, he turned around and said, sounding slightly annoyed, "If you are awake, go back to your room and sleep. You are going to catch a cold sleeping like that here". To his surprise, Kageyama did not respond to him. He didn't even open his eyes. Osamu was in awe as he waited for the respond that never came. "Hey, hey, don't fall asleep again". He tried to wake him up but his efforts were futile because Kageyama never woke up after that.  
Feeling hopeless, he looked at the sleeping man and sighed. He still wore a mild smile on his face. After a few seconds, he realized that his hand was still in Kageyama's clasp so he stared at the long fingers wrapping around his wrist and pondered whether to break free or not. But deep inside, he already had an answer because the idea of breaking free never existed in his heart. With no intention to walk away, he stood there never leaving Kageyama's side that night...  
.  
.  
.  
The clock never ceases ticking and seconds proceed to fly away like Osamu's old memories replaying in his mind. In the blink of an eye, the sun has already let the moon rule the sky. The crowd in the busy hallway starts to scatter with the approach of night-time. However, Osamu is still in front of the door and his hand is still on it's knob. He may seem like a fool but no one says anything to him. Bokuto and Sakusa only give him a few glances and nothing more than that. It's not because his comrades do not care about him. It's just that they could not afford to say anything. Even current section commander Kita leaves him be. Just like that midnight comes...  
"I am tired, Tobio. I am tired of thinking. I am tired of my own feelings. I am tired of remembering every moment of the past. I am tired...", he says while touching his forehead with the door. He closes his eyes and ask solemnly, "Tell me something... What do I do now?" as if the door could give him any answer. Still with closed eyes, slowly, he rotates the knob which feels like a burden to him. It is not easy. Not to him...  
With the sound of opening door, he enters the room where everything feels different. At the same time, everything seems familiar. He closes the door behind him and leans onto it. His eyes are weary when he observes the interior of the room and his heart starts to ache more with the passage every second.  
Just like the night in his vivid memory, the pale moonlight is shining through the window. Odd enough to his sight, it is falling onto the surface of the desk directly making it shimmer in pure white light. Looking at the table, he murmurs, "Of course, you are no longer here. What am I expecting...". After a few minutes of staying like that and observing the room, he walks toward the hook on which Kageyama used to hang his coat. His quiet footsteps feels heavy as he thinks about the past. There is no coat on the hook today and to him, the sight is odd. So, within the shadow of the bookshelves, he places his hand on the hook just to convince himself what he sees is real. It is still not enough and he strides to the desk. He could not believe what he sees but what the desk presents him is just coldness. All the pens, papers, book that Kageyama used and even the cup he usually used to make tea for Kageyama are not there anymore. The room truly embraces him with loneliness.  
Even Osamu, himself, doesn't know what he is expecting judging from his own actions. He traces the surface of the desk with his hand and all he feels is emptiness. The more he searches for a sense of familiarity, the more his vision is filled with oddities and strangeness. 'Who am I trying to fool? Myself?' is what he asks in his mind. From the very start, he is convinced that his friend is no longer there with him. He is more than aware of that... but he can't help it.  
In the end, he sighs and embraces the reality.  
He looks outside gazing at the moon that is not affected by anything. "I am not going to regret. It was my choice. What right do I have to regret?", he reminds himself nonchalantly. After a pause for a few seconds, he looks back at the empty chair again. Everything in his eyes is sadness that is suppressed deep inside his heart. Emotions that he never intends to express, feelings only known to his soul... they all start to show when he speaks. His voice is all worn out, "I am not sure if this is the future I want and I am not certain that I made the right choice. But I want to know... Would I have made a different choice back then if I was aware of my own feelings? Or would it still be the same? I do not know... The answer is a mystery to me now because... it's all because I just realize that I am in love with you. So, tell me, Tobio... what am I supposed to do now? You are no longer here. I know you are no longer here with me and I know I was ready to let you go when I made that decision. I have already let go of you. I made a promise to myself that I would never come back to this room again. So why now? Tell me...". His tone is desperate and helpless but disturbingly calm.  
He looks at his hand which still remembers the warmth of Kageyama's firm clasp. It is not the same night from his memory and he knows that. But that doesn't stop him from wishful thinking. He longs quietly, "It’s fine even if you keep saying Shouyou’s name. Just hold onto me. Hold my hand. I can stand here forever. I won't break free from your grasp I won't walk away from you".  
This time too, he doesn't leave the room. He stays there the whole night rethinking about old conversations with his deceased friend in that room. Only when the morning comes, he leaves the room.

"If there is next life, let's meet again", he says without turning or looking back.

**Author's Note:**

> A rare ship and I personally had a hard time deciding which one is more suitable for unrequited love (Obviously, none of them is lol). At first, I thought Kageyama would make a good character but I decided to stick with Osamu (I am sorry. You didn't deserve that).  
> This one is not that angsty or depressing so I decided to share it. I hope you enjoyed the fic. Thank you for reading.  
> Comments, constructive criticisms, and kudos are highly appreciated.  
> If you like this one, check out my other works as well. Have a nice day!  
> Find me on Instagram. The user name is yadanarwind.


End file.
